Abstract: So far, we have covered scientific and religious information pertaining to our human body, mind, and liberation. In this way, the first few articles establish the foundation for this post, which will walk you through my unique, gradual awakening experience. Every transformation took place while I was fully engaged in my daily life, with the right balance between mundane and spiritual activities. That is how I started and felt at the beginning. Later I realized life is always one, without any separation between mundane and spiritual. My story is a walk of true grit, compassion and devotion to the practice (Bodhisattva path).
Childhood
We were the last generation who had freedom to enjoy our childhood, in more nurturing way, in nature, more playful manner. When I was about 6, I had a spontaneous spiritual experience which opened myself to the surrounding, like seeing everybody as me even without doing any kind of meditation. Moreover when I go into sleep, I started to see colors similar to what people usually notice in meditation. This was followed by completely a blank state of mind. Even though I reported this to my parents, they did not pay attention to it. I built temple or shrine like structures at home imagining that I perform certain rituals there. I remember how my parents were laughing at them. However, my mother felt my spiritual inheritance from the beginning. I was very dynamic and intensed at that time. Upon winning an all island art competition in 1996 (at the age of 7), I received many art books from an Indian institute. Almost all the books had some historical stories and illustrations about Indian spiritual masters and I was fascinated by these figures.
At the age of 15 I was properly
introduced to a lineage and meditation. Even though it was not
regularly practiced, with different masters I had the
opportunity to get more insights into meditation. Everything happens in right balance. However till I leave my country for higher
education, meditation hasn’t improved that much from my previous momentary
experiences. But the life shaped me into a strong individual through hardship
and difficulties encountered.
Outside the Home Country (Outside the Cultural Prison)My mother’s passing made a significant impact in my life and brought a sudden transformation. This happened when I was in Finland during MSc studies. The emotional baggage attached to her and family dynamics has collapsed. With that, a certain freedom in emotions came in and it opened my 6th (third eye) chakra fully to the level I could not bare its energy. The shift in my perception came with a huge pain, a pain that clears all the blockages around my sinus areas and the energy channels. This was the starting point of my journey. After this, I was crazy about spirituality and searched more and more information from all traditions. During this time, the base clear light mind (the child clear light) was also witnessed during the meditation as well in sleep. This is when I experienced the “no mind” state for the first time and realized “we are beyond our minds”. Meditation has become very consistent from this moment onwards.
After I came back to Sri Lanka in
2016, I got married, lived a mundane life integrating meditation in daily
activities. During this time until 2018, I had the chance to interact with our
lineage masters and more insights came into my practice and realization. The
meditative absorptions have become deeper and deeper. In 2017, I witnessed an
out of body experience during the meditation. All my 7 chakras got activated for a brief moment and the soul left (from the top of the head) and came to the physical body
again. This happened several times, asserting the fact that “we are
also beyond our physical body”. That was accompanied by a severe pain in the
body. Almost felt like paralysis, which none of the medical scans were able to
detect. Life itself was the cure.
After these several near-deaths, the meditative absorptions further developed and more clarity into life came in. Fears and insecurities disappeared,
but intuitively knew my realization was not complete. The clear-light mind
experience further deepened into a more advanced state (mother
clear light). After I moved to Netherlands for my PhD in 2018, I had more time
to engage in spirituality and meditation. Being one with the unlimited self revealed other mysteries; coming to know of my past lives, psychic
abilities. But I had no interest in them. The traces of
ego, conceit were still there, leading to suffering and anxiety.
Peak Time of the PhDLife is a continuous interplay between awareness and our daily activities. Understanding this is an art of living. Insight meditation, or
Vipassana, serves this purpose very well. In my opinion, engaging in Vipassana does not make sense without subtle meditativeness. Only with the aid of subtlety of mind, one can perfectly observe the momentary existence of "I". In this way, the complex process of the mind and its association with 5 senses can be examined. This observing quality came into life during the last two years of the PhD (2020-2022). This is observing the dynamic nature of the mind. The thought process itself is "
I ness" with the self clinging nature into it. A deep dive into Buddhist concepts in all traditions took place. These concepts also start to make sense with the meditation. i.e.
impermanence, compassion, emptiness and the mirror-like nature. The advancement from the
Shravaka to Bodhisattva path took place during this time (There are some meditative indications when this switch takes place); I shared my light and insights with others too. Some came to me seeking spirituality, while the majority needed temporary solutions to their mental and emotional problems. Meditation and lineage transmissions served these purposes well. Life had to go through several trials and hardships during this period. The spiritual conditioning during this time was shaping my consciousness, at the same time testing my faith in the practice. So it was challenging.
Challenges, Growth of the Group, Growth of the Consciousness Despite the several near-deaths, the soul's karmic imprints were still there. The identification with the physical body was still there, and hence the fear. However, this fear was primarily associated with the people interaction. Since 2021 January, I was going through the most challenging phase in this spiritual progression, the dark night of the soul. This is where your meditative light unfortunately disappears, and you're intensely being tested in the deep darkness. It is a very challenging phase where you have to confront inexplicable things, your unconscious layer of the mind, deeply buried past life karma. You only have the help of your compassion, meditative insights and faith in your practice as tools to battle these fronts. The physical pain is unbearable too. If you're stuck with things that do not align with your path, life becomes even more difficult. Faith is a must to overcome these difficulties. Every spiritual tradition has a similar story, every spiritual adept (master) has to go through this darkness to uncover their full-blown light. The darker the phase, the more light will illuminate to you.
Especially in the bodhisattva path, you not only look for your own liberation, also work towards the salvation of others. Hence an aspirant who follows the Bodhisattva path has to go through the most difficulties, deeper corners in the darkness of the mind. You may even have to account for collective karma. Bodhisattva path is not merely a path you blindly follow by joining a lineage, a certain religious group or culture. It is usually defined by our samsaric maturity, skills and the compassion for others. Only the ones who make their own path to bring salvation to others have to face all these challenges and the darkness of the self. Darkness of the world. Unless this darkness is consciously overcome, liberation will not happen.
Moreover I enjoyed the company of certain spiritual masters I came across outside my home country. Zen master
Tenkei Coppens Roshi from
White Plum Asanga lineage, and our famous guru
Sadhguru Sri Jaggi were influential in understanding deep Dharma matters. Meditating together with them brought clarity and insights into life. It was also diverse in flavor. Meantime our meditation group grew silently; the message has passed down from person to person. A few practitioners I met had karmic links to me, who also came to a profound meditative realization after a few rounds. Some people were dropped out due to the lack of devotion, dedication to the practice.
Darkness does not remain for the eternity......
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